I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
