I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
