I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
