Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
