There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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