I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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