she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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