I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
