i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
