I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
