I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
