M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
