walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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