Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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