I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
