I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
How's work?
Spinning.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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