i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
