you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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