just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just pee around me
My breasts were aching with rage.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Shame is for Republicans.
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