What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
