Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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