i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So much rum. So many feels.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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