do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
