i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
