I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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