Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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