He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
