$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
