dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
