and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize