just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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