just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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