After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
wow bdsm is so cute
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