I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
