o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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