wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
