if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
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sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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