I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
