1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
