she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
