I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
