I understand why you refuse to be sober now
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
