Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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