i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
