Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
