ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My bed smells like the plague
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize