I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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