I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
