So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
