I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
