did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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