theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Randomize
