accomplished twins. life is a go
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
