Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
