she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
