Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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