I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
