I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
false alarm, still single
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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