I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she smelled like a LAN party
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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