do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
