Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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