I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
