I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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