I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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