I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
