My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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