I just saw a hot homeless man
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
