Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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