Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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