I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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