just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
True strength comes from lack of pants
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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