There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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