exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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