i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
