nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
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Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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