Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
