If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
